I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
