Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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