You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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