Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
