don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
