the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He uses pillows to masturbate.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
