If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize