so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
