There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
When are your genitals available?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
