Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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