hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What a dumb baby whore.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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