are you still at the devil's house?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
