So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
