She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
