you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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