Screwed.edu
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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