New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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