something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
