dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm like, not good at living.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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