so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
