Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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