i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I want to fling myself into the sun
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
