I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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