just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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