I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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