You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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