remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
