you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
