i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
