I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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