the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
