i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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