So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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