I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
