Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
