I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
