saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
