you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
