Farmville is her only friend.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
