im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
