My sheets look like a crime scene.
You can't motorboat a personality
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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