am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
