I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
