Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
