Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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