we have pet lesbian snakes
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
