I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
