This is not my ceiling
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize