yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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