So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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