So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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