i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
