just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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