this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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