Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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