I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize