I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
