u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
People in love make me want to vomit
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
