she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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