clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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