How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
