no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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