I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize