meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
