OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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