so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
