The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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