I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's shark week go big or go home
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
