i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
