I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
