peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
