I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
only you would photoshop your dick
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
