Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
