At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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