I intend to get homeless drunk
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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