brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
