That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize