Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
