Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
