she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize