Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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