How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
