hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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