This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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