I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
