Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
