Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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