I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
