those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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