I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize