There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
