People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
