Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
