I think I died a long time ago.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
