i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
