she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
