I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
