my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Idk if I want to put a bra on
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize