yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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