mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I love you. Go after that dick
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