i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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