he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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