i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
