Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
