Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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